Sometimes you have to accept that those closest to you will not value you or see your worth. They will only see what it is that they have envisioned for you and how you are not living up to it. They will only see the negative and any positive will not be recognized. This may be a result of many different factors but none of them matter. It is not necessary to find out why they treat you the way that they do, if their treatment is not impeding your progress but just upsetting you emotionally then let go. These people may be your colleagues, supervisors, friends, or even family. In most situations it is someone that you cannot easily rid yourself of but that’s okay. It’s okay because you have a few options to remedy the situation.
Option #1: You can return their rude remarks with kindness and pray for them.
Option #2: You can let them know in a direct way that their words are mean, rude, and unwelcome.
Option #3: You live one life, cut them off.
Now, the last option is hard to do for most of us, which is why we are presently in these situations. If the person is your boss and you need your job, then you are operating about of a place of fear. If the person is part of your family, especially immediate family, you are operating out of loyalty and attachments. This is the same with friends. You may feel that you need these connections so you stay tied to them and miserable. When that misery starts affecting your mood, making you doubt yourself, and hindering you because you are feeding into their perception of you then it is time to stop operating out fear, loyalty, and attachments and cut cords. This doesn’t have to happen in a malicious way but once you have done this, you may be able to access your true feelings more clearly. You may either see that you now feel relieved and more self-assured or maybe they weren’t the problem to begin with and you have to work on yourself.
Either way, make a plan and get to living your best life since you only have one opportunity to do so.
I have been “snowed-in” for the past few days and have completed a lot of homework for my new graduate degree that I’m working on. I have also pinned a lot on Pinterest. In keeping this post short, I was able to sit down with my daughter and go through these pictures and ask her thoughts on what she saw. This was a very enlightening moment as she realized that the world was actually as big as she was being told. Kids are so visual and no matter how many reports they have to write on globalization and multiculturalism, it always hits home when they get to “see” it. The best is when they can experience. I wanted to share with you what I shared with her from a site called distractify.com.
I had to write this post as I am nearing the end of the best movie this season thus far. Every winter, around the holidays, I watch all of the Christmas movies that I can find on Lifetime, ABC Family, Hallmark, and Hallmark Movie Channel. The kids and I love to watch these movies together because they get us into the holiday spirit and come are inspirational. Another channel which is new and I have not had a chance to pay as much attention to is UP, which I am sure has great programming too.
Anyway, a dream of mine would be to write a story that would be adapted into a movie for one of these channels. Each year, they outdo themselves. My cousin in New York and I call and compare notes on the best movie or what we are currently watching. As I type this post, I am watching “The Christmas Secret” on the Hallmark Movie Channel. It is a moving story of a single mother with two children who moves to a town to reconnect with lost family. Her humble and determined nature sets her up for fortune that she could never have imagined. Check out the trailer below, courtesy of Hallmark Movies & Mysteries.
When I think of my mother, I think of a strong woman whom worked hard all of her life until she retired on disability. This is the same woman who had two children early in life and then was surprised by another (myself) in her late thirties. Needless to say there was a lot of adjusting that needed to take place. With an 18 year gap between myself and my sister and a 20 year gap between myself and my brother, my mother and I have always struggled to bond as she wasn’t used to children any longer.
Now don’t get me wrong, she was the best mother she could be but, she, herself had grown up with a mother whom did not show love in the emotional sense, but through her ability to provide for and take care of her kids. The emotional piece had been missing for generations. I’m sure the fact that my grandmother growing up in the south and experiencing racism to an extent that I never had probably contributed to the hard demeanor that she presented. I am also sure that that was passed on to my own mother.
Now, as a parent myself I find it easy to show affection to my children while they are young but not so much as they get older; please do not beat me up for saying this. I currently have a 13 year old whom is going through her own hormonal changes and in need of emotional support of which I am not familiar except by the examples set forth in the family sitcoms I watched growing up.
I am thankful that I noticed my waning emotional support immediately (thanks to being a teacher and experiencing it firsthand with my students and their parents) because I was able to dig deep and surface the source and then research ways to remedy it.
I am happy to say that it is possible to break generational strongholds. I believe in purposeful parenting because you can never get back the years lost with your children but you can make a significant change for the better at any stage that will positively impact their lives. I am constantly searching for opportunities and creating opportunities to provide that emotional support to my daughter. I can’t say that I am an expert or that I am doing it correctly, but I am trying.
Purchased Groupons to brunch in the city for just her and I
We read a good book together or talk about whatever she wants to freely
We have created traditions that are unique to us and will be different for myself and her brother once he gets older
I purchased a devotional geared towards mothers and daughters to read with her every night
I do not allow electronics at the breakfast/dinner table to allow for conversation between her and myself
I have recently looked up more volunteer opportunities that we can do together
I am constantly looking for ways to create the emotional support that she needs as it is vital to her self-esteem and self-awareness. Recently, I read a book called How Full is Your Bucket by Tom Rath and my goal is to fill her bucket daily with positivity. I recommend reading this book and also StrengthsFinder 2.0. Just because something has been a certain way in your family for generations doesn’t mean that it can’t stop with you (and I am referring to something negative). You must proclaim that it will be different for you and yours. Purposefully parent!
In time for the holiday season and soon the beginning of a new year, I thought it may be a great idea for me to review my family mantra. I created it at the beginning of 2012 and tried to purposefully stay on course with what I deem important for me and my family. It is a great idea for you to create one for your family and start 2014 year off all on the same path. As a single parent sometimes we don’t even think along these lines but raising our kids and living our daily lives, in our daily routines, should be purposeful. We should never go through days, weeks, months and even years just living day by day and letting “things” happen to us. We should be strategic in our mission to create a family that we can be proud of and that will give back to society in a positive way. There are things that happen to us that are beyond our control but one thing that we can control is how we allow for our kids to interact with us and the world (to some degree) and how we interact with them.
I can’t remember where I got the idea for a family mantra, but I am sure that it came from some blog, book, or sermon that read or heard. The important thing it is that I found it useful and enlightening. It forced me to think about the footprint I want to leave on this earth and the way I that I can do this is through my children, my family. You can even involve your children in the process and once it is created, have a dialogue explaining the reasons why you have certain things on the list. This dialogue opens up a discussion that can prove to be most meaningful. When children have a purpose, they feel a little more in control and focused on a clear destination. This creates a sense of security and builds confidence. You can think of this as taking your vision boards (mentioned in an earlier post) to the next level.
Below I have included my own family mantra and the great thing is as your family grows and outlooks change, you can change your mantra and continue to dialogue with your family as to why things have been added or taken away.
My Family Mantra:
To participate in educational activities together as a family whether that be discussions, museum trips, educational games, or creating things together.
Nurture each others creativity and individual talents.
Resurrect God in the household.
Live healthier than the year before.
Foster financial stability.
Build and maintain self-esteem, morals, and ethics.
You can type one up, add images, print it out, get it embroidered on cloth but whatever you do make it visible to those in your household and those who enter your household so there is never a question about what you deem important. I wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving. Be safe and be thankful.