Well, I have moved back to my old neighborhood and I am glad because the kids are happy, their schools are closer, and it’s beautiful here. Along with this move came a reconnection to their dad. Our past is somewhat intense. We met in high school and knew then that we wanted to be together “forever” but as we all know, when kids get involved and only one parent matures, it makes for some heavy situations. Fast forward 14 years and we are both a lot more mature and it is time to act as such.
I have come to the realization that it is important for our daughter to finally see her parents interact in a positive way and our 3.5 year old son to have his dad around on a consistent basis (also in a positive way). So, I extended the olive branch and offered for him to spend time with the kids and then when they went to bed we could watch the first game of the NBA finals. Both of us are going for Golden State!
Anyways, he was surprised because I never wanted to watch sports with him when we were together in the past nor did I really want him watching sports alone. I’d rather have him watch a good Lifetime Movie with me. So, he accepted the offer and was pleasantly surprised when he saw that I had brought two different types of wings, chips and dip, and beer and wine for the game.
We watched it and celebrated the ups and downs of the game. As we sat there glued to the screen and the food, it suddenly hit me that there was a clear power struggle between him and me. I didn’t want to give up control and he didn’t either. We also weren’t keeping the kids and each other partner first. We were young and selfish. All he wanted was my presence sharing an experience that he enjoyed. Crazily I used to be so mad at him for other actions that I tied it to anything that he wanted to do and “didn’t do it”.
Needless to say it was a great experience sharing a positive night with their dad and since then he has come over more often to spend time with the kids, talk about our daughters grades and our sons progress in a new preschool, and just relax.
What I want to end with is the fact that there shouldn’t be a power struggle because those types of struggles don’t account for the children. We need to focus on healthy relationships, which sometimes mean sacrifice, for our kids.